Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
