I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
