And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
