I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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