The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am naked and annoyed.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
