a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
