I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
