I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she told me i tasted like america
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The adults are the big ones right?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
