K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
