if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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