I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
