I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
