All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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