i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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