she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I have fence marks all over my body
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
