so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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