I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
