So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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