I just saw a hot homeless man
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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