Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
