i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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