I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
