I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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