I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
