Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
