Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
