she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
