I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
