Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
