I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
