if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
