walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
