farters have to be the big spoon...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize