i need an iv and a liver transplant
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
