I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
