You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
