What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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