Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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