Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
