I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I forgot wine drunk hurts
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
