He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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