After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
