so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
