Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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