she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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