Your face is a jimmy john
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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