Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
