apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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