First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
