2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
never play flip cup with pint glasses
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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