I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
