I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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