im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
