I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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