the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
