Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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