Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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