Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
