that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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