All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She told me I should be a condom model.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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