he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You left your phone here
Wait...
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