That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
