So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
