One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
