Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
