i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
