Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
