I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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