Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
